Week 33 Back in Minnesota

On Sunday after church I went to look at some of the neighborhoods where we are thinking about buying a house here in St. Paul, MN.  A couple of the neighborhoods I took off my list right away because they just didn't seem safe or were just to run down.  I plan on checking out a couple of other neighborhoods this coming Sunday as well.

This past week Trudy had to turn down a house showing because she decided to take down the Fat Head in Benjamin's bedroom and repaint his room.  His bedroom really needed the paint job and probably should have been done sooner.  Now it is done.  She has also contacted someone who has taken down wallpaper in other parts of the house to take down the wall paper in the two small 1/2 bathrooms in the house and repaint those bathrooms.  Hopefully those changes will be enough to move us to offers.

Work has been going very well for me.  You can read about my work journey in the project management articles.

More personal stuff on the next page.

Journey with Bi-Polar Type II

This past week I have been exploring more about my family history and trying to understand how I got to the place I am at today.  One of the things I have come to realize is how much I missed and needed to be 'hugged' by my parents when I was growing up.  I needed both the physical hugs but also the emotional hugs that told me that I was ok just as I was.  I often heard the message that I wasn't good enough ("you are capable of getting an A", "you are able to do better", etc).  As a parent I know how easy it is to slip into that kind of 'encouragement'.  I also know as an adult that what I hear is not always what someone else says or means to say.  It also doesn't mean I wasn't wounded by those words and by the lack of physical affection.

Like I wrote before I have a deeply wounded place in my soul that is infected and "healed" over which needs to be cut away and cleaned out.  The process of doing that will take time.  It will be painful.  There have been many hours curled up in a ball crying over the pain, not in dispair but just lving with the pain.  And that was something I didn't do when the pain was happening.  I learned to supress my pain and the experience of that pain.

It might be painful for those around me.  I am pretty sure my family and friends are suprised I am putting this on a public blog.  I am doing this because I have read other people's blogs and those blogs have helped me come to this point.  Maybe mine will help other people as well.

In the end though I will never be whole until I take care of this wound once and for all.  God has called me to be a whole person.  Even if none of my current friends or my family is left standing with me when this process is done I know that my Lord will be with me.  And when I finish this process I will be healthy and able to move onto a new and better life.  That is my hope and dream.

You have no rights to post comments