- Category: On the Yellow Brick Road
- Published: Saturday, 18 June 2011 22:15
- Written by David Tannen
- Hits: 1629
Week 38 Back in Minnesota
Some weeks are harder than others. This was one of those weeks. As I have described in my previous blogs, especially last week, that I have old emotional wounds that never healed correctly. They got 'infected' and then 'scabbed over' so I look like I am healthy on the outside but inside I have some really terrible wounds that drive my behaviors. Someone said to me this week, in front of a bunch of people, "Oh we can't talk like that in front of David, he is so innocent." Which is absolutely not true. All anyone has to do is read my sermon "Be an Ambassador for Christ
Why did I do them? Simply put because those old wounds that are infected, infected my entire being and still do. For last week's homework my therapist had me look at one of those wounds and journal about it. We then talked about what I had journal. I was left feeling cold, terrorized and shameful. I then shared the same thing in group and was again left with the same feelings, except after everyone gave me feedback I wasn't terrorized anymore. I was partially comforted.
But I was also left feeling lonely and broken. Both nights I could have really used a hug from Trudy. She did her best to comfort me with her words but there are days when the warmth of a hug is what I need. And learning how to comfort myself in healthy ways is something I am learning all about as well.
Three things brought me comfort this weekend. The first was a nice phone call with Trudy. The second was going out to see a favorite blues band, Trampled Under Foot (I will add a link later when I have the photographs up). And the third was going to the Sat. Morning Jam and playing for a few hours with some really great people.
So why write about this and be so public about my struggles? Am I looking for pity? No!
I do this because maybe someone else is struggling with Bi Polar and will be comforted knowing that they are not alone. If you are struggling with Mental Illness, there is no shame in that. Find a good psychiatrist not just a regular doctor. Then find a good therapist who will work with your psychiatrist. And then learn everything you can about your disease. Treat mental illness the same way you would treat knowing if you had cancer or cardiovascular problems. I didn't do these things for a number of years and because I did not take care of myself I put my entire life at risk. Don't make the same mistake I made.